Hello Girls! Goodbye Silence!

Silence. Ahhh. I don't think I really ever knew how absolutely beautiful silence can be until I became a Mom. Actually, I don't think I ever really knew what that word meant until now.

We welcomed our two little blessings into the world last weekend. Determined to be individuals right from the start, they were born on different days. Abigail Posey graced us with her presence on Saturday, December 5 and Isabelle Mae arrived an hour and a half later, on December 6.

The girls are healthy, beautiful and such tiny little miracles. Please help us welcome our little girls.

Abigail Posey

Born: December 5, 11:35 pm

Weight: 4 lbs, 14 oz

Height: 18 1/2"

Isabelle Mae

Born: December 6, 1:09 am
Weight: 6 lbs, 10 oz
Height: 19 1/2"

Like mama, like babies

Remember how I said that these little girls must have more manners than their mama? Well, I take that back. They are spirited, willful little ones who are making sure they let me know from the get-go who is in control. No matter what I do to try to trigger labor, they hold fast, saying "No thanks... we'll let you know when we're ready."

We've tried everything: drinking red raspberry leaf tea, eating spicy foods, walking, walking, walking, doing that thing that got us here in the first place... and nothing. Except I do feel tiny little jumps in my belly that I am beginning to think are little giggles and not hiccups. Our latest attempt is reverse psychology. We told them that we don't want them to come out anymore. Just go ahead and stay in their forever. Daddy and I will sell all your clothes and toys and take a vacation. I think they are calling our bluff...

Birthday Thieves

My sister seems to think that I like to steal holidays, specifically birthdays, from people. On her 21st birthday I graduated from college. My husband proposed to me on my brother's 30th birthday. This is why we were certain that the girls would arrive on Thanksgiving - to "steal" (I like to think "add to") another holiday. But no. Apparently they aren't like their mama. These little girls must have more manners than me, so they stayed quiet and allowed everyone to enjoy their Thanksgiving holiday at home.

This Thursday, the girls will be 39 weeks. The ideal time to deliver twins is between 36 and 38 weeks, but we are trying our best to intervene as little as possible. We'd like the girls to come when they are ready. We had an appointment this afternoon to check their status and to talk about inducing. I am almost 100% effaced and almost 4 cm dilated - which is about 1 cm more than last week. My OB was surprised the girls hadn't made their grand entrance yet. Damon and I shared her sentiment. We talked about inducing, the risks/benefits, and decided to give the girls one more week to come on their own. Then we went ahead and scheduled a day to induce if they decide to continue baking - next Tuesday, December 8.

Oh, and that's also my sister's 29th birthday.

Wonderland Room

To keep from going insane, I am trying to stay busy with little things around the house. The Christmas decorations are up, the house is clean, and I've already gotten a head start on my Christmas cards. And, the nursery is almost complete! I haven't really stressed about getting the nursery completely done before the girls get here because from what I've seen from my friends, the babies don't spend a whole lot of time in the nursery the first couple of weeks. Plus - I don't think they really care if the wood on the glider matches the crib wood.

But, I am happy with how their little room is coming together and want to show it off to you. I wanted something girly, but not too "dainty" - more "funky and fun". I found the perfect pattern at a fabric shop that everything else plays off of. The fabric is called "Wonderland" and was inspired by Alice in Wonderland.

So, here's a picture of the nursery as it looks today:

Two cribs - can you believe it!? My mom and I made the bedding for the cribs. I plan on painting something on the wall above the cribs. Perhaps a twin quote and bring in some design of the fabric?


Here is the nursing/reading area. The glider was my first Craigslist purchase - I love it, but am not happy about the wood color. The girls may not mind that it doesn't match, but mama is going to change that one of these days. The shelves will quickly fill up with framed pictures and little girl books. Daddy's already practiced reading them "Pinkalicious".


I found this dresser at the best thrift store in the world, Goodwill (shameless plug) and sanded/painted it and changed the knobs to fit the Wonderland theme. Daddy built the box for the changing pad and even carved a heart in it! How precious.


My mom made these creative, adorable quilts for me, well, for the girls actually... and I love them! They are the perfect blend of girly and funky! And they are extra large so that the girls can use them well into their toddler years!

Waiting

So, I thought that Monday was going to be the day. Then I was certain it was going to happen Tuesday. But no, it's going to be today... I'm just sure of it. C'mon girls... no pressure or anything.

Full-term Babies

So, the girls have made it to full-term. Hallelujah! I can't believe that I am going to be a mom in the next week or so. It's so surreal. As you can tell from this blog, I have thoroughly enjoyed my pregnancy and think a part of me will miss those little buggers in my belly. It's nice to have them so close.

But... I can't wait to meet them. I can't wait to hold them and kiss them and sniff their little heads. I can't wait to dress them up in girly outfits and put flowery headbands on them. I can't wait to see my husband melt with them in his arms. I can't wait to watch him inspect and admire every little inch on their bodies like he does when he gets a new pair of shoes he really likes.

I know we have a challenging road in front of us, but I'm not scared. I am excited! Any day now...

And here are the 37 week belly pictures.

And Damon's favorite angle:

The great question

So, everyone keeps asking me when the babies are going to arrive. I wish I had an answer, but one thing I have DEFINITELY learned during this pregnancy is that you can't plan for anything. Okay, well, you can plan, but you better have a plan B, C, D, E, F and G.

So, I am going to turn the question back on you - when do YOU think the babies will come? We're placing bets now... Here is some information to level the playing field:

- My official 40 week due date is December 10.
- Most twins come early and most doctors want twins delivered by 38 weeks (November 26). My doctor suggested inducing if they don't come by Thanksgiving.
- My last appointment was last Wednesday. I was one day shy of 36 weeks, 80% effaced and 1 cm dilated.
- I am a Leo, my husband is a Pisces and the girls will be Scorpios if delivered before November 21, Sagittarius if delivered on or after... (only relevant to those who are a little kooky, like my mom, sister and me).

Place your bets now! Don't forget to include the day and two times (Baby A and Baby B)...

Body Changes Part 2

I have wanted to be pregnant for as long as I can remember. I have always thought that a pregnant woman is so beautiful - so pure - so just... radiant. Now, at almost 36 weeks pregnant and 50 pounds later, I feel like I have some of the beauty of a pregnant woman, but I am more aware of the incredible changes that have taken place in my body. Here are the big changes:

1. My feet. As you can see from the picture in the previous blog, I am experiencing "slight" swelling in my feet and ankles... My feet are like little loaves of bread - the only thing I can shove them in are my flip flops which barely fit. Seriously - when did flip flops become uncomfortable!? The good news is that they are not like that all the time and the swelling does go down when I rest and put them up.

2. My thighs. My left and right thigh recently met each other and apparently hit it off really well. They are now best friends and inseparable.

3. My stomach (obviously). I feel really lucky that I haven't gotten any stretch marks yet (cross my fingers, knock on wood, spin twice and kiss the head of a penny). But then I have friends who like to ruin it by telling me that I'll see them once my stomach goes back to "normal". But it is amazing how much your belly can swell and your skin can stretch. Absolutely amazing.

4. My skin. With all of the stretching and swelling, it's no wonder that I have extremely dry, sensitive skin. But what I think is funny is all of the little skin tags that have popped up in random places on my body.

5. My belly button. I don't even know what to say about this one... will it ever look the same again!?

6. My behind. Ugh. I don't even like to look back there if I don't have to. It's a mess. I just keep telling myself that I'll worry about it after I have two healthy, beautiful girls. Because once they're here, I'll have all the time in the world to work on it... right?

Body Changes Part 1

My next blog is going to describe in detail the changes that I have seen in my body over the past 35 weeks. I was about to finish it and post it and then thought of the old saying, "a picture tells a thousand words" and decided to post this:

No... this is not a still shot from Shallow Hal, this is a picture of my ankles (or lack thereof, otherwise known as cankles) after an event last week. So sexy!

40 Weeks of Genius

Here I am... up again for my 4 am feeding... whoever planned this whole 40 weeks of being pregnant must have known what they were doing, because I don't think it could be any more perfect...

First trimester - you are completely wiped out. This allows you to slow down from "normal life". Your body rejects anything that may be unhealthy and craves nutrients for your baby/ies. You change your schedule to allow for more naps and rest up because it's going to be a long 40 weeks - but everything is new and exciting so you are ready!

Second trimester - you feel awesome. Life is great. You have just enough "bump" to look pregnant (and not like you've been enjoying too many fudgesicles), but not too much bump so that it prevents you from tying your shoe. You feel your baby/ies kicking, dancing and love each movement. Your energy levels are back to normal and you love being pregnant. You have a healthy glow and everyone comments on how good pregnancy looks on you. This is the time you remember next time you talk about getting pregnant.

Third trimester - you are uncomfortable. You pee every half hour, but always feel like its time to go again. Your hands and feet are swollen and ache. You sleep in increments (probably to prepare you for life with baby/ies) and never truly fall into a deep sleep so you live in a fog during the day (on top of pregnancy brain). You still feel your baby/ies, but feel them clawing at your bladder, kicking you in gut and trying to bury themselves under your ribs. People no longer tell you how good you look pregnant but make comments on "how big you've gotten" and how "it looks like you are about to pop".

Now, I have really enjoyed these past 34 weeks and have loved being pregnant, but I think it is necessary for me to feel a little uncomfortableness now... One, as I said before, I think it is preparing me for life with babies and two, if I didn't, I'd probably want to keep these little girls in my belly forever!

Too Little, Too Late Update

Hello everyone! I apologize for the delay in posts, but I just got back from visiting my friends/family in NOVA, where they threw me a wonderful baby shower! (I'll post a blog/pics soon) I had to cut the trip short because I was having trouble sleeping and was really exhausted, but I loved all of the time I was able to spend with everyone!

Quick update: Babies turned 30 weeks last Thursday and according to our last ultrasound (this past Monday), they are developing on track and weigh 3 pounds each!!! I can't believe I have 6 pounds of baby in my belly! Except, they remind me of that on an hourly basis :)


Here's an updated pic of the big bulge... now we're looking pregnant!

Stating the Obvious

One thing I've learned during my pregnancy is that I'm not a fan of modern doctors. It seems like whenever I tell them about something that's bothering me, they write me a prescription. I think it's so funny to hear "When diet and exercise fail, take (insert pill here)". Well, it's not diet and exercise that fail... it's people who fail at diet and exercise. Constipation? Here - take this stool softener. Leg Cramps? Tylenol is fine to take. Delivery pains? Here's your epidural.

Now before I continue on this blog I want to make one small disclaimer. I do not judge anyone for the decisions that they make during pregnancy/labor/delivery. Everyone is entitled to their own experience, whatever that may be. And, I know that you can't even attempt to plan any little bit of your pregnancy/labor/delivery and that all my "birth preferences" may fly out of the window as soon as I start labor.

With that being said, I would like my experience to be as natural and drug-free as possible. Its a personal choice and one that I feel strongly about. Before I knew I was carrying twins, Damon and I had already chosen a birth center to deliver. I have always liked the idea of a water birth and while he had issues with possible floating poop in the tub, he did really enjoy the environment and agreed this was the place to bring our child into the world.

Then... things changed for us when we saw two little ones on that first ultrasound. Twin pregnancy automatically put me into the high-risk category and meant I had to (legally and for insurance purposes) deliver at a hospital. I had been going to the same OBGYN for years and while I liked her enough to violate me once a year, I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with her delivering my babies. So, I reached out to my local friends to get recommendations for good OBs.

We decided to meet each one for an "interview" of sorts and then see which one we connected best with. Funny thing? Doctors are NOT used to being "interviewed". Some seemed almost offended that I wouldn't just automatically choose their practice. Some were cut from my list just because of their rude staff. I don't consider myself a "high-maintenance" person, but I wasn't willing to deal with an unhappy employee throughout the rest of my pregnancy, especially with my out of whack hormones.

But my favorite interview was with one particular doctor. The interview started off well enough, she seemed friendly enough and we seemed to connect with her. Then we began asking questions regarding her thoughts of twin birth. I told her that it was important for me to try to have the twins naturally and she stared at me with a blank expression. "I understand the risks (blah blah blah) and that there is a 50/50 chance that the twins will be delivered by C-section, depending on what happens throughout my pregnancy, but I would like to prepare for a natural birth..." I continued.

She looked at me like I had three heads and said slowly, "Childbirth is really painful."

Seriously? Wow. I was really glad she told me that. I can't believe I hadn't heard that before - I mean, what did I almost get myself into?

I was floored. That's like telling someone who is training for a marathon that running really sucks - only that person doing the telling is the physical trainer.

Needless to say, we didn't end up with her. After a couple more visits with my original OBGYN, we realized that she was the one to deliver our babies. She's blunt enough to tell me that "Yeah (and she'd probably even throw a "sh*t yeah" in there), childbirth is painful." but she'd follow it up with a "but women have been doing it drug free for centuries and you can too."

Random Thought Thursday

My babies turned 28 weeks today!!! Hello Third Trimester! We have entered the final phase...

Today's Random Thought:

If babies start developing their personalities in the womb, then is there an astrological sign for the date that they were conceived? I wonder if there are any similarities in babies conceived in March vs another month... kind of like there are similarities/generalities about babies born in March or Pisces babies...

Everybody was kung-fu fighting

So, the girls have learned kung-fu...

Lordy, lordy. My little girls are active as jumping beans! In fact, sometimes I think there has to be more than two in there! Rarely does an hour go by without a little kick or roll. And I absolutely love each movement! Whether it is the little popcorn pops, the behind poking out of my side, the big kicks, the alien-like rolls or the little punches to my bladder - each one tells me that my girls are learning, growing and love to dance! They get that from both their mommy and their daddy.

On another note, the girls are getting really big - which translates to a big old belly on Jen. Before it gets grossly large, Damon and I decided to have some pictures taken together. I have included a few for you to enjoy. Enjoy!

Random Thought Thursday

Okay, so it's totally not Thursday, but I promise, I thought of this yesterday. I'm sorry I've been such a slacker when it comes to this blog... I'm just so tired from carrying around an extra 30 pounds every day! Another promise: I will post an update blog this weekend to let you know how the girls are.

Today's Random Thought:

I'm really happy that the dot.com geniuses decided to use "dot" instead of "period" when the developed websites. Can you imagine if you had to say www period jenny dash chick period blogspot period com? Not only does it have too many syllables, it just sounds gross.

Random Thought Thursday

Random thoughts always pop into my head at the most inopportune time. I think I inherited that ADD gene from my Dad. I'll bring up a serious topic to him, ramble on for 10 minutes and then pause waiting for him to comment. He'll clap his hands and ask "Wanna order a pizza?"

Anyhoo, thought I'd start sharing these random thoughts with you...

Today's Random Thought:

Don't you feel bad for those little spiders who build a web someplace really inconspicuous like in the corner of your bathroom by the floor? I mean, how many bugs are they going to catch there? Not really a high-traffic area for their dinner...

Picture Update - Week 24

My babies are growing and so is my belly! I took out my belly ring and put in one made of flexible material to wear throughout the rest of the pregnancy. We'll see how long it lasts...


And here is another view of what my friend Walker named the "bubble gut".

20-Week Dr Visit: Part 3, The Real Deal

Before I start part 3 of the story, I just want to say how truly amazed I am at all of the overwhelming support given to us by our friends, family and complete strangers during this time. I just returned from a conference where I had no access to my blog (ack!) to see 21 comments to my last post… 19 from people I had never met before! I read them this morning with tears streaming down my face. I am overcome with emotions at the beautiful words of encouragement and complete kindness of strangers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We have found solace knowing that we are not in this alone.


---------------------------------------------------

Our heads were spinning as we left the hospital. I called my work to let them know that I wasn’t going to be able to make it back that afternoon. I wasn’t ready to face all of the smiling, inquisitive folks who just wanted to know the sexes of the two little ones growing inside of me. I wasn’t prepared to answer. In fact, the last news given to us completely trumped the fact that we were having two little girls. We didn’t send out a massive text… we didn’t post updates to facebook… we didn’t call all of our friends and family to tell them the good news… we just weren’t up for any chatting at that point.

After a very silent, uncomfortable lunch at our favorite diner, we went home to process the information. We went back and forth about our options and our feelings on having a child with Down syndrome. I think we talked through all 5 stages of grief that night. At one point, I went into the shower to find some solitude and allow myself to experience every emotion I needed to. I cried to God and prayed for him to give me two healthy little girls without Down syndrome. Then I cursed myself for being so selfish and thinking that way. I was disappointed in myself and ashamed that I didn’t want a child with any disabilities. Because I work with adults with disabilities, I thought “I outta know better” and should completely embrace the news. I thought “I know that a diagnosis of Down syndrome is not a death sentence and that plenty of people live full and happy lives with it. I know that people with Down syndrome are beautiful, loving people who enrich the lives of others. And I know that the relationship that Damon and I have is more solid than stone and that we would be incredible parents with lots of love to give to a special needs child.”

Then the pendulum swung the other way and I again begged God not to have a child with Down syndrome. It took me sleeping on it and a lot of praying that night to calm down and accept the possibility. I also started to feel better about my odds and decided to focus on the positive.

We’ve decided not to do any genetic testing. To us, it doesn’t matter if one of our babies has any birth defects. We would still have her, raise her and love her unconditionally.

We did, however, decide to have my blood tested to get a more accurate “risk” result. The chemical levels in my blood actually decreased the risk for the babies. Baby B now has a 1 in 620 chance and Baby A’s risk has gone down to 1 in 80.

Worry, fear and doubt still creep into my head every once in awhile, but I try to push them out and focus on the positive. Worrying about it won’t change anything, fear won’t make things better and doubt won’t allow me to be excited that I am having two precious little girls. So when I start feeling down, I just go out and buy them something adorable. There’s a lot to be said for retail therapy.

20-Week Dr Visit: Part 2, The Bad News

(suggestion: read Part 1, the blog below, first)

I unrolled the massive pile of pictures and spread them across Damon and myself so we could both view. We stared in awe at our little girls. Some of the pictures were so incredibly clear that we could make out the little details in their faces! I looked at Damon and he was white. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.” He said. “I know.” I agreed, trying my hardest to remain calm.

Dr. Chang entered the room followed by Julie and introduced himself to us. His tone was very serious and he didn’t waste any time. The ultrasounds revealed an echogenic focus (a white spot) on each of the babies’ hearts. While the echogenic focus alone did not indicate a heart condition, it was a “marker” for Down syndrome. My jaw dropped. I looked at Damon who was staring intently at the floor.

Trying not to jump to conclusions, I asked him what that meant. He told us that there were medical studies that suggested that there was a correlation between finding the echogenic focus on an ultrasound and the baby having a genetic disorder. Once they saw the white spots, they then looked for other markers on the babies, Baby B had no other markers but with the echogenic focus, her chance of having Down syndrome went from 1/760 (based on my age) to 1/420.

Okay I can live with that, I thought… but what about our other little girl. “And Baby A?” we asked…

Baby A had two other markers he told us. Her head to femur (upper leg bone) ratio as well as head to humerus (upper arm bone) was low. With the echogenic focus and these two other markers, her chance of having Down syndrome went up to 1/55.

I stared back at him in shock. Are you serious? We just had this incredible experience of watching our babies interact with one another in the womb, we just learned that we are having two little beautiful girls and you are going to drop this on us? Totally not fair. I don't even want to hear it!

I pushed the emotional part of me down as far as I could which only left room for the logical to emerge. I bombarded him with questions, trying to make sense of what he was telling us. The only thing was that I had a hard time of listening to a word he was saying. I tried my hardest, but my mind was racing and the truth is, I really didn’t want to hear what he was saying.

The next thing I realized, we had been swept into another office and were now sitting across from a Genetic Counselor listening to her spout out facts, medical terminology and numbers. We kept asking questions, trying to make sense of it all.

What does this mean? Does Baby A have Down syndrome? There's a 1 in 55 chance she does. Is that high? It's a 1 in 55 chance. Well, that's like 2% right? Yes. Could it be a false positive? It's a 1 in 55 chance, which is not 100 percent positive.

We had previously declined to take the 18 week blood test (that tested for Downs, Spinal Bifida and a few other genetic disorders) for fear of this very thing. If it was only going to tell us what our babies' risks were and not give us a concrete answer, we didn't want to know. Why put yourself through that worry during your pregnancy? But here we were anyway. Worrying away.

The only way to know for sure, she told us, is to have an amniocentesis (a process where they draw fluid from the amnitic sac and test the babies' DNA for genetic abnormalities). This test would give us a concrete answer, but guess what? There was a 1 in 200 (or so) risk of miscarriage following the test. More numbers...

This is not the way this appointment was supposed to go! This is not the way I had planned my pregnancy to be! We wanted as little medical involvement as possible and now it seemed like we couldn't get away from it!

She was completely factual and rational and I resented her for it. I needed someone to hold me and tell me it was going to be alright. I needed to get out of that office.

Damon and I quickly wrapped up the visit saying we needed to discuss our options and would call her to let her know what we decided.

20-Week Dr Visit: Part 1, The Good News

Our last doctor visit took us on a roller coaster ride. We went to the medical university to get a more advanced ultrasound of the babies and were so excited to find out the sex! To us, all planning was on hold until we found out this news. I don't know how anyone waits 9 months! We sat in the waiting room for a good long while. It may have only been 20 minutes but it felt like hours. We both read our magazines and Damon suggested that he might trade in one of his "Guns & Ammo" subscriptions for a parenting magazine!!! My how times change.

Finally they called our name and we followed our technician, Julie, back to the room. I tried not to notice her beautiful smile and perfectly flat stomach. I think Damon tried hard too. Anyway, in the next few minutes Julie quickly became our best friend as she led us through exploring our babies. We started with Baby A, the one closest to the cervix. We watched as Julie checked the spine and each little bone (looks great!). She checked for a cleft palate (negative), checked the belly for a black spot to show the baby's swallowing normally (check), checked around the kidneys and other intestines for normal blood flow to show everything is working perfectly (check) and then to the heart. We had watched both babies heart beat on the ultrasound at our normal doctor’s office many times but had never actually had the pleasure of listening to it. We watched it flutter on the screen as Julie pulled up the sound.

“Whompa, Whompa. Whompa. Whompa.” My eyes filled with tears. It made everything a little more real. I had an overwhelming urge to grab my baby and give it kisses! Baby’s heart rate: 143 bpm, perfectly normal! I searched back in my mind trying to remember what they say about heart rates… is it a boy if it is under 150 beats? Or 140? I couldn’t remember, but it really didn’t matter because Julie went there next… We looked at the little butt and both squinted our eyes… is that something there? “It’s a girl!” Julie exclaimed and flashed the screen pink.

“Ha ha.” I looked at Damon and smiled. He looked a little nauseous, but hopeful. We had one more chance at a boy. “You’re gonna have a little girl” I told him. He smiled weakly back at me.

After Baby A checked out, we moved onto Baby B. We went through Baby B’s body parts a little bit faster since she had already explained what she was checking for with the first one. Baby B also looked great! Spine and bones - great. No cleft palate. Healthy belly, kidneys, organs. Then she went straight to the bottom. We squinted again and… the screen flashed pink again – another girl!!!

Wow. Two girls. I was so excited but I think I would have been just as excited for any combination. I had thought it would be cool to have one of each, but also thought that same-sex twins are really cool. I know how close my sister and I are at 16 months apart and can’t even imagine how strong the bond is between twins.

Aww… but poor Damon. He seemed terrified to have two girls. I looked at him and his head was down and slowly shaking from side to side. “Aww, hun.” I said and rubbed his back. “These little girls are going to LOVE you!”

“But my fishing buddy…” he said.

“The girls will love to go fishing with you!” both Julie and I told him and Julie told us of her fond childhood memories fishing with her Dad. Then she pulled up the 3-D image of Baby B and we watched in awe as we could literally see each movement she made. She opened her mouth real wide and Julie spoke for her – “I’ll go fishing with you Dad!”

We all laughed and the air lifted a little. We continued to watch in 3-D as Baby B tried to suck her little fingers while Baby A was giving her good kicks in the face and upper body. Baby A was a little kicker! She would pull her knees in all the way to her chest and then – POW! – kick them straight out in front of her, unfortunately hitting her target Baby B. We felt so bad for Baby B, but Julie assured us that the kicks weren’t harmful as they were floating in liquid and didn’t even weigh a pound yet. “Baby A is grounded when she comes out,” Damon exclaimed and we all laughed again.

Julie continued to check the rest of Baby B. We listened as her heart beat at 149 bpm and then watched as Julie pulled up picture after picture of her heart. All of a sudden the room became very quiet. “Click, click, click” went the machine as Julie looked at different views of Baby B’s heart. She seemed to spend more time studying each picture than she had before. My own heart started to beat a little faster. Worry started to creep in, but I pushed it away. “Everything’s fine silly,” I reassured myself. I guess Damon felt it too, because he “hmmmed” and then asked Julie, “What? Do you see something?”

“No,” she said. “It looks great.” She said without much feeling as she then pulled up different angles of both Baby B and Baby A. “Click, click, click” again as she took still shots of each angle.

I tried to stay positive. I tried to make light, small talk and it fell flat. Julie wrapped up her clicking and pulled off about 20 pictures from the ultrasound machine.

“Okay!” she said. “Here are some pictures of your babies for you to look at while I go get the doctor. Enjoy!”

Half-way there!

Today I am officially 20 weeks - we have hit the half-way mark! The babies celebrated by letting Daddy feel them move for the first time! It was pretty cool.

So, here are a couple thoughts about being pregnant so far...

Things I love about being pregnant:
1. The attention. Seriously, I can't get enough. What can I say, I'm a leo.
2. The belly touching. I know, weird. But I love it when people touch my belly because I feel like they are sending love to my babies. They better do it now, because I don't think I'm going to like strangers touching my babies. I'd rather them do it while they are protected by my belly.
3. Feeling the babies move. It's just so incredible and makes me smile every time.
4. Fudgesicles. Enough said.

Things I dislike about being pregnant:
1. The gas. It's bad. No, really. I'm like a 13-year old boy.
2. Feeling my boobs rest on my stomach when I slouch. Especially when I get out of the shower. It's just unnatural and makes me cringe. At least it reminds me to sit up straight.

That's about it. I gotta say, the whole experience has been pretty cool so far...

The Waiting Game

One thing I have learned about pregnancy from both my own experience and the dozens of my friends that are either pregnant or have recently had a child, is that there is a lot of waiting during a pregnancy. Waiting for the plus sign, waiting for the first doctor's appointment, waiting to feel movement, waiting to give birth, waiting to have another drink...

While I am enjoying (almost) every minute of being pregnant, I feel as though we are doing a lot of waiting. Right now, everything feels like it's on hold until we find out the sexes of the babies. Our 3D ultrasound is scheduled for next Tuesday, so it's not too much longer, but I wanna know now! :)

Daddy and I have a strong feeling about what we are going to have, but we can't wait to know for sure! Any guesses?

Tomorrow we'll be 20 weeks along, so here's a belly pic to celebrate. The picture was taken last week and I swear it's grown an inch or so since. I'll start measuring...

Premonitions or Mother's Instinct?

Three days before that little stick changed my life, I had a really weird dream. It was the regular type of dream where I floated in and out of scenes, but one scene in particular was very vivid...

I was at a party with the wife of my company's IT manager. We were hungry, so we had snuck away from the folks we came with and found the buffet table. I remember being thrilled to be standing in front of this huge pile of fresh, delicious foods with her and we giggled like school girls. Then we saw it... A do-it-yourself fried banana pudding bar!

Now, I don't think I've ever tasted banana pudding before and I'm not the biggest fan of bananas. I do enjoy fried foods but more so the salty variety. But in my dream, I L-O-V-E-D fried banana pudding and we were in heaven in front of that bar.

Well, when I woke up, that part of the dream stuck in my head so when I got to work, I told the IT manager. He laughed it off. The next day, he told me that he told his wife (and mother of two) about the dream and she immediately said it was a "pregnant dream". The day after that I found out I was pregnant.

My mom came to visit me when I was 8 weeks pregnant - one week before my first appointment and before I knew there was more than one little baby growing inside of me. She was thrilled I was pregnant so she brought down an antique cradle that has been used in our family for three generations. I was thrilled it was being passed down to me and as we were unloading it from the car, I looked at it closely and said, "Oh, I can fit two babies in there."

Weird. (cue music from the twighlight zone)

Don't lend me your ears...

Ever since I learned that my babies were able to hear my voice in the womb (beginning a few weeks ago), I've been trying to sing to them as much as possible. Now, I'm not sure if that's such a good thing... For those who haven't heard me sing, count your blessings. I was never blessed with any musical talents. That's my husband's area of expertise.

But it is possible for me to teach them bad musical habits? Could they actually learn how to sing out of tune? Or do they just put their little hands over their ears and pray for mama to stop?

Hopefully Daddy can fix all my wrong doings when the babies are born. For now, they're going to have to enjoy off key melodies! La la LAAA!

(An official sonogram image of one of the twins in the womb
while mama is crooning)

If I could marry maternity pants, I would.

I have to give props to the bella bands - those little stretchy things have been a life-saver these past two months, but my belly has quickly outgrown them. For the past week or so it's been getting harder and harder for me to get dressed. Stretchy dresses are my favorite but I only have a few that I can wear to work (the rest are boobalicious - which I love - but totally not work appropriate).

So last weekend I crammed my fupa (google it) into a pair of capris, pulled the bella band over it and headed to the mall. I entered the Motherhood store and must have looked like a little lost puppy because the sales lady quickly took me under her wing. For the next 30 minutes, she taught me all about the various maternity pants - "now and laters", "full-panel", "roll panel"... who knew!?

I picked out a pair of full panel capri jeans and a pair of "now and later" black capris and entered the dressing room. I was actually excited to try on my first pair of maternity pants! It doesn't bother me that my belly is growing - that's what it is supposed to do during pregnancy! It means my little babies are growing big and strong in there and that makes me happy. If I end up gaining 80 pounds or more during this pregnancy, it will be worth it. I'll worry about the extra weight after I have two happy, healthy babies in my arms.

So, I breathed a sigh of relief when I peeled the bella band and those pre-maternity capris off of me. I think I actually heard a "bloop" as my belly poured out. I grabbed the capri jeans and pulled them over my hips... hmm... no tightness. I rolled the full panel around and up over my belly. And then... the gates of heavens opened and angels emerged to sing and throw flowers at me! "LAAAAAA"!

Oh, it felt so wonderful. So comfortable. Like changing into pajama pants after work - no - like being able to wear pajama pants to work! It was a good day.

Toxic Shock

I went to Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago to check out some baby books and ended up buying "The Complete Organic Pregnancy". I had flipped through some of the pages at the store and had a feeling I was getting into something intense, so on my way home, I stopped by the nail salon. I had glanced over the part about toxins in nail polish, so I wanted to make sure my feet were pedicured one last time before I really got into it. Hey... it's sandal season! I gots to make sure my toes are pretty!!!

As I read deeper into the book, I started to get more and more horrified. I looked around my house and all I saw were toxins - toxins seeping out from the carpet. Toxins floating in the stagnant air. Toxins penetrating into my skin from all of the chemicals I willingly apply each and every day. Toxins oozing from a plastic cup into the water I was drinking. Toxins engrossing the food that I eat - pesticides in the vegetables, growth hormones in the meat. I wanted to scrub myself in the shower, but what about the chemicals I use to clean my tub? What about the chemicals in my soap and shampoo? It was useless. I felt overwhelmed and beaten.

So I grabbed up my canvas bags and hightailed to Whole Foods. Over $250 later, I emerged feeling a little cleaner and a little more hopeful. My organic milk may not taste as good as regular milk, my organic cleaners may not get all the grime off the counter, my organic face lotion may not help reduce fine lines like my other face lotion and my pocketbook may not be as full as it used to be, but buying organic gives me peace of mind that I am doing what I can to limit the toxic intake to my babies. And that, my friends, is priceless.

15 Week Check-up

Last Thursday we went in for our third appointment. Since twins/multiples are considered a high-risk pregnancy, we get the pleasure of seeing our babies each time we visit. Now, Damon is really good at seeing all of the little body parts, facial features and can distinguish baby A from baby B by which one is closest to my cervix - huh?

Me? I'm not so good. I can see clearly recognizable parts like an arm or a spine (so cool to see!!!) or a little beating heart (again, SO cool to see!!!), but when I look at their faces, it's just a bunch of shadows and sometimes I can't tell the butt from the head. Maybe she moves it around too fast for me or maybe my attention is distracted by their oh-so-cute jerky movements. Yeah... we'll blame it on one of those.

So, for the update... babies are doing fine. They are growing and developing normally. She still can't tell if they are identical or fraternal. But boy, do those little ones make us laugh already!!! For starters, one of the twins had it's "behind" placed on the other's head, and that one kept jerking it's arms and hitting itself in the head! I'm sure you can understand it's frustration! :)

Mama's doing fine too. I've gained 5 pounds total which is good for the first trimester. Now I'm supposed to gain 1 1/2 to 2 pounds per week during the second trimester!!! Don't worry, I slow down the weight gain in the third. Throughout my pregnancy I'm supposed to gain a total of 40-50 pounds. Can I order another fudgesicle please!?

Time for a belly picture... As you can see, I've grown quite a bit in my lower abdomen... and on the other side...

Daddy's hole in one

My husband and I have talked about having kids and being parents since we first started dating over 10 years ago. We've always wanted children but wanted to wait until it "felt right" for us. Well, a little over a year after we got married, it started to feel like we were missing something in our lives and we started to feel like the time was right. So, we began to seriously discuss adding a child to the mix.

Well, I guess a lot of my friends were having the same discussion, because all of a sudden, it seemed like everyone started getting pregnant!!! After 10 pregnancy announcements and a weekend vacation with our friends, Jenna and Ben, who were expecting, we decided that it was indeed, time.

It was the beginning of March and we were ready! In preparation for getting pregnant, I started back in January taking pre-natal vitamins and marking my cycle. I had drawn hearts on each day of the calendar in March - beginning day 10 and ending day 16 . If you don't know why, go ask your Mom. We were nervous, yet excited, but definitely ready!

Then, on day 8, Damon got into an accident and totalled his truck. We had already looked at our finances for the rest of the year and knew we could add in a car payment for when we replaced my 1996 Honda Civic, but adding two new car payments was going to be tough. It put a wrench in our plans to say the least, and we decided that it would be best for us to wait a few months before we started trying.

Then, on day 14, Damon cooked a nice dinner, we split a bottle of wine and ended up... "trying".

Two weeks later, I wrote my first blog.

Bring on the bump!

My babies turn 13 weeks tomorrow and to celebrate I am posting the first official bump pictures! The first is when I thought I had a bump going, at 10 weeks. But then my babies said, "You aint seen nothin' yet!" So, they doubled in size in two weeks. The second picture is me at 12 weeks. Again... please remember there are TWO in there!

Talking double

I love telling people that I'm having twins. Since we didn't announce our pregnancy before we found out we were having double the pleasure, double the fun, I break our news to friends, coworkers, neighbors by showing them our ultrasound. They instantly recognize what it is and belt out their congrats. Then they take a closer look at it and a puzzled look crosses over their face. Most people then stare wide eyed at me and slowly ask, "Twins?"

My next door neighbor and new Mama was too cute. She looked at the ultrasound and then asked, "Wait, which one am I looking at?" "Both," I told her and she screamed.

Then I get either complete excitement or pity. Most people are genuinely happy for us and see having twins as a "double blessing". But some almost look disgusted at the thought of taking care of two babies at one time. "Better you than me," they say and I just agree.

If I ignore it will it go away?

It's 4:50 am. And yes, I am awake and writing a blog. I'm having trouble thinking about anything besides the two babies growing in my belly right now. For the most part, I have no problems sleeping - especially these days - but I woke up this morning and am having trouble getting back to dreamland...

Thoughts/questions that are running through my head keeping me from my lovely Zzzs:

1. I can't believe we're having twins.

2. How much longer can we comfortably fit in our house?

3. Is it too early to eat angel food cake?

4. That's so cute! Theres a little raccoon eating Ivan's food off the porch!

5. I can't believe we're having twins.

6. Ivan... stop hissing at the raccoon. If you wanted that food, you should have eaten it all last night.

7. Cereal is probably a better snack to eat right now. Save the angel food cake for later. At least wait until 6 am.

8. And the biggy: How in the world am I going to put two little babies in the hands of a stranger and go to work all day 12 weeks after they enter this world?

It's not that I don't like my job. It's not that at all... In fact, I love my job and the people that work there. I just think I'll like my job as a mom a little more.

This thought keeps coming up in my head and I keep swallowing it like a big gross horse pill. I'm not ready to tackle this one yet...

So, now I do what I always do with this topic. Avoid it. I just tried to log onto facebook for some mindless humor, but it's not working for some reason... Oh, but I just got onto my email and received an update from whattoexpect.com... I think I'll play ostrich and go bury my head in those articles for now.

Here I grow!

Tomorrow I will be 11 weeks along in my pregnancy, but don't tell my belly that. The bump is definitely starting to grow. My mom keeps reminding me that she didn't start showing until she was 4 months along, and I keep reminding her that I am NOT in my early twenties and I am growing TWO little ones, hence I must eat three fudgesicles a night. One for each of us. Hey - its only fair.

I've been having a difficult time for the past couple of weeks buttoning my pants and feel guilty about squishing my babies. When I'm sitting at my desk, I pop those babies open and breath a sigh of relief. The other day our company's Corporate Compliance Officer came in my office looking for marketing materials and I told him that he could find them on the shelf outside my office. He couldn't find them and I said, "Seriously, are you going to make me get up and button my pants?" He laughed. I love the people I work with.

So I had lunch with a friend yesterday who is about 7 months pregnant and she gave me one of the greatest gifts she could right now... two bella bands! They are really awesome. For those not in the know, a bella band is a stretchy band of spandex material that you put around your waist and wear under your shirt, but over your pants. It looks just like the bottom of a tank top, but here's what's so awesome: I don't have to button my pants!!! No, really! I can wear my pants unbuttoned all day long and with the bella band over top, no one will ever know! Al Bundy, eat your heart out!

Naming the Embryos

So, I'm still trying to accept the fact that I am having twins. The phrase "I can't believe I'm having twins" leaves my lips about 6 times per day - 3 times randomly from the thought of it, 2 times talking to people about it and once everyday when my sister calls to tell me that she can't believe I'm having twins.

I still have tons of research to do on the subject and am still processing the twin fact, so I'm at a loss for a blog right now... so I just wanted to let you know that Damon and I are taking names for our embryos. Remember these guys?

A couple of ideas for baby on the left: Starvin Marvin, ET, Greenbean

A couple of ideas for baby on the right: Casper, Peanut

Any other ideas?

Wait... what?

Finally. The day we've been waiting for. Our first pre-natal appointment!

I meet my husband in front of the office building and we get lost trying to find our way to the OB's office. We are giddy, excited, nervous and can't wait to see our little one. We're late getting into the office which works to our advantage because they call me right in.

Damon waits in the waiting room during the first part. For those of you who don't know us, we're super open with each other. To some of my friends' horror, I have no problems passing gas in front of him - even while not pregnant - and have been known to ask him to pull my finger from time to time. But this, to us, is a little different. We've decided that my private regions should remain "private" through this. I don't want him to start looking at "down there" as a science experiment.

So, I get swabbed, poked, checked and then get ready for the ultrasound. Thanks to my friend Molly for giving me the head's up that the first ultrasound is done vaginally. Otherwise, it would have been a different experience. The nurse brings Damon in the room and she and the doctor tease him a little bit to try to make him feel more comfortable. He takes it in stride and grabs my hand.

We both turn to the screen and she moves the "thingy" (I'm not using "thingy" because of a lack of words, but because I can't think of any clean terminology right now) around and an image of a peanut in a bubble appears on the screen. Damon and I tighten our grip, look at each other and smile. So precious. So wonderful. This is exactly what we needed to see, feel, hear, experience to know that we were indeed pregnant and that there was a little baby growing inside of me. It made it all real.

Then, she moved the thingy around again and said, "And here's baby number 2." We awwed again and then, "Wait.... what?" She smiled that knowing smile and moved her little magic wand. "Here's baby number 1 and here's baby number 2," she showed us on the screen.

I threw my head around to look at my husband. I couldn't tell if he was completely estatic, about to pass out, or about to run out the door. He just stared at the screen. Later he told me he got tunnel vision and was trying not to pass out. I'm sure my eyes were as big as moons. The tears started and (I hate to admit it) at first, not out of joy. I was scared. No, I was terrified.

Suddenly, our house got really small. I had already planned out how I was going to arrange the furniture in my house to make our guest bedroom the nursery, our office the guest bedroom and bring the office furniture into our bedroom. I envisioned where the highchair would sit in the kitchen, the swing in the living room. I knew how the nursery was going to be set-up - where the crib went, changing table... And I knew that it was going to be tough to incude TWO of everything in the humble space we have.

Then I thought about my car - there's no way that two carseats can fit in my little honda - so time to get a new car... new car = new car payment. The numbers started adding up in my head. Two cribs, two carseats, two high chairs, double the clothes, double the diapers, double the doctor's bills...

Then "double the diapers" popped in my thoughts again. I am going to have to take care of TWO babies!!! I don't really know how to take care of one baby right now... how am I going to take care of two!? Horror stories that my mom told me of my aunt who had twins started running through my head. Stories how she would breastfeed one, then change the other. Then breastfeed the other, then change the first... then do it all over again while trying to get some sleep and still maintain her sanity. She did all this by herself because her husband had left her shortly before she gave birth. OMG! I can NOT do this by myself! I look at Damon again to make sure he's not trying to head for the door.

I look up at him and he has the most unexpected look on his face. There are creases around his eyes and he is showing his teeth. Wait... is that a... is he smiling!?

He notices me looking at him, turns to me, squeezes my hand and then kisses me on the forehead. Then turns back to the screen and continues smiling.

I suddenly feel a calming sensation run over me. It's going to be okay. We're going to do this together. We're going to have two babies and it's going to be okay.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TWO BABIES!!! How exciting! (now tears of joy)

I come back to reality to see the flashing lights on each baby - their heartbeats! My heart melts. She moves the thingy so both babies appear on the screen and takes a picture. She gives us multiple copies. I look at one and instantly fall in love with our two babies.

We chatted with the OBGYN a little longer, asked questions and then she left us with handfuls of pamphlets on being pregnant and information on support groups for parents of "multiples".

The rest of the day we're both on cloud 9. We share the news with everyone and everyone is so happy for us! I pray for the first time in years as I go to bed that night and wake up feeling relieved, confident and completely elated. It's going to be okay.

So, without further ado, it is my priviledge and my honor to introduce you to our two little ones, baby 1 and baby 2...

More waiting...

It's been awhile since my last post and while I am definitely experiencing pregnancy symptoms, I don't yet feel pregnant. I mean, yes, my breasts feel like waterballoons that someone has filled to capacity, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open and my butt off the couch at 8 pm each night and my face thinks it is 13 years old again (c'mon... not fair!), but I have yet to truly verify a little human growing inside of me.

I did go to my GP to confirm the pregnancy and she gave me piece of mind when she informed me of normal pregnancy hormone levels, but I want to see the baby and hear it's heartbeat!!! And so I'm waiting... and waiting... for my first visit with my OBGYN in two weeks, May 7. Any questions I should add to my list?

Tender melons

The books aren't kidding about sore tatas during pregnancy, and my mom reassured me that it's only going to get worse - thanks Mom! They are so swollen (which, being a small chested female, I don't so much mind), but so so tender! I am now wearing a sportsbra to bed and two while I work out! I went running this morning and had to hold up my boobs with my arms as nonchalantly as I could. It was ridiculous. I looked like a tyranasaurus rex!

Sooo sleepy...

I can't believe how exhausted I am! Last night I went to bed at 9... on a Friday night! Can you believe it!? My friend Becca said it's because I'm suffering from semen posioning... yes, I told her - seriously - how could I keep it a secret any longer!? I mean it's already been 2 days!

Okay, so I think it's time to take a nap... it's tough work growing a baby!

Hurry up and wait...

So, I'm pregnant. It's my first pregnancy and while I've skimmed the pages of "What to expect when you're expecting", I have no idea what I need to do. I call my OBGYN to make an appointment and they say they can't schedule me until I'm 8-10 weeks... I'm 2, well, actually 4 because they start counting from the first day of your last period, not your date of conception... who knew? So, I won't see my OBGYN until May 7...

But I have so many questions!!! Is my iron level high enough? Am I getting enough protein? Do I need to change to all natural face lotions? Are the pre-natal vitamins I'm taking good enough? Am I healthy? AM I EVEN PREGNANT?

I chat with my mom and she suggests that I make an appointment with my GP to get a blood test and get my questions answered. I do that. What would I ever do without my mom?

In the meantime, I want to tell EVERYONE! I walk into work and have to bite my tongue each time I run into someone. It's swollen and I'm tasting blood by the time I reach my office. I shut my door and take a deep breath.

And it begins...

Okay, so it's two days before my scheduled period and I know that the accuracy of the test is only 90%... but that's good enough for me! Besides, I can't wait anymore... I have to know! I do my business on the little clear blue and easy and then jump in the shower. "I'm probably not pregnant", I tell myself because I don't want to be disappointed, but then don't want to jinx it, so I say "I am pregnant!" I repeat this for about 15 minutes and wonder if I'm going insane.

When I emerge, I casually glance at the stick trying not to seem desperate for an answer.

"Pregnant"

I make the weirdest noise. It's kind of like a mix between a snort, a laugh, a cry and a burp and it was a perfect noise for the emotions I was feeling. WHAT!?!? I have to tell my husband! But no... I should tell him in a special way tonight over dinner... I take a picture of the stick with cut azaleas from my front yard. I plan to put it in an engraved frame and give it to him this evening.

I can't believe it... Wow... I'm going to be a Mom! I'm going to have a baby! Man, I'm going to miss some good happy hours this summer... Oh, my husband is going to be such a good Dad! I have to tell him. Who has the self control to wait until tonight!?!?

I jump on the bed and gently (as much as my excitement could allow) shake him. He groggily looks up at me... "Yes?"

"Congratulations on your hole in one!" I squeal (more on that later)...

"What? No..." I smile. "What? No..." he says again... "Yes!!!" I squeal. We chat about it for awhile and both decide we are very happy, but that we are going to keep it quiet for a few more weeks. At least until we see the OBGYN we reason...

15 minutes later I call my mom...