Talking double

I love telling people that I'm having twins. Since we didn't announce our pregnancy before we found out we were having double the pleasure, double the fun, I break our news to friends, coworkers, neighbors by showing them our ultrasound. They instantly recognize what it is and belt out their congrats. Then they take a closer look at it and a puzzled look crosses over their face. Most people then stare wide eyed at me and slowly ask, "Twins?"

My next door neighbor and new Mama was too cute. She looked at the ultrasound and then asked, "Wait, which one am I looking at?" "Both," I told her and she screamed.

Then I get either complete excitement or pity. Most people are genuinely happy for us and see having twins as a "double blessing". But some almost look disgusted at the thought of taking care of two babies at one time. "Better you than me," they say and I just agree.

If I ignore it will it go away?

It's 4:50 am. And yes, I am awake and writing a blog. I'm having trouble thinking about anything besides the two babies growing in my belly right now. For the most part, I have no problems sleeping - especially these days - but I woke up this morning and am having trouble getting back to dreamland...

Thoughts/questions that are running through my head keeping me from my lovely Zzzs:

1. I can't believe we're having twins.

2. How much longer can we comfortably fit in our house?

3. Is it too early to eat angel food cake?

4. That's so cute! Theres a little raccoon eating Ivan's food off the porch!

5. I can't believe we're having twins.

6. Ivan... stop hissing at the raccoon. If you wanted that food, you should have eaten it all last night.

7. Cereal is probably a better snack to eat right now. Save the angel food cake for later. At least wait until 6 am.

8. And the biggy: How in the world am I going to put two little babies in the hands of a stranger and go to work all day 12 weeks after they enter this world?

It's not that I don't like my job. It's not that at all... In fact, I love my job and the people that work there. I just think I'll like my job as a mom a little more.

This thought keeps coming up in my head and I keep swallowing it like a big gross horse pill. I'm not ready to tackle this one yet...

So, now I do what I always do with this topic. Avoid it. I just tried to log onto facebook for some mindless humor, but it's not working for some reason... Oh, but I just got onto my email and received an update from whattoexpect.com... I think I'll play ostrich and go bury my head in those articles for now.

Here I grow!

Tomorrow I will be 11 weeks along in my pregnancy, but don't tell my belly that. The bump is definitely starting to grow. My mom keeps reminding me that she didn't start showing until she was 4 months along, and I keep reminding her that I am NOT in my early twenties and I am growing TWO little ones, hence I must eat three fudgesicles a night. One for each of us. Hey - its only fair.

I've been having a difficult time for the past couple of weeks buttoning my pants and feel guilty about squishing my babies. When I'm sitting at my desk, I pop those babies open and breath a sigh of relief. The other day our company's Corporate Compliance Officer came in my office looking for marketing materials and I told him that he could find them on the shelf outside my office. He couldn't find them and I said, "Seriously, are you going to make me get up and button my pants?" He laughed. I love the people I work with.

So I had lunch with a friend yesterday who is about 7 months pregnant and she gave me one of the greatest gifts she could right now... two bella bands! They are really awesome. For those not in the know, a bella band is a stretchy band of spandex material that you put around your waist and wear under your shirt, but over your pants. It looks just like the bottom of a tank top, but here's what's so awesome: I don't have to button my pants!!! No, really! I can wear my pants unbuttoned all day long and with the bella band over top, no one will ever know! Al Bundy, eat your heart out!

Naming the Embryos

So, I'm still trying to accept the fact that I am having twins. The phrase "I can't believe I'm having twins" leaves my lips about 6 times per day - 3 times randomly from the thought of it, 2 times talking to people about it and once everyday when my sister calls to tell me that she can't believe I'm having twins.

I still have tons of research to do on the subject and am still processing the twin fact, so I'm at a loss for a blog right now... so I just wanted to let you know that Damon and I are taking names for our embryos. Remember these guys?

A couple of ideas for baby on the left: Starvin Marvin, ET, Greenbean

A couple of ideas for baby on the right: Casper, Peanut

Any other ideas?

Wait... what?

Finally. The day we've been waiting for. Our first pre-natal appointment!

I meet my husband in front of the office building and we get lost trying to find our way to the OB's office. We are giddy, excited, nervous and can't wait to see our little one. We're late getting into the office which works to our advantage because they call me right in.

Damon waits in the waiting room during the first part. For those of you who don't know us, we're super open with each other. To some of my friends' horror, I have no problems passing gas in front of him - even while not pregnant - and have been known to ask him to pull my finger from time to time. But this, to us, is a little different. We've decided that my private regions should remain "private" through this. I don't want him to start looking at "down there" as a science experiment.

So, I get swabbed, poked, checked and then get ready for the ultrasound. Thanks to my friend Molly for giving me the head's up that the first ultrasound is done vaginally. Otherwise, it would have been a different experience. The nurse brings Damon in the room and she and the doctor tease him a little bit to try to make him feel more comfortable. He takes it in stride and grabs my hand.

We both turn to the screen and she moves the "thingy" (I'm not using "thingy" because of a lack of words, but because I can't think of any clean terminology right now) around and an image of a peanut in a bubble appears on the screen. Damon and I tighten our grip, look at each other and smile. So precious. So wonderful. This is exactly what we needed to see, feel, hear, experience to know that we were indeed pregnant and that there was a little baby growing inside of me. It made it all real.

Then, she moved the thingy around again and said, "And here's baby number 2." We awwed again and then, "Wait.... what?" She smiled that knowing smile and moved her little magic wand. "Here's baby number 1 and here's baby number 2," she showed us on the screen.

I threw my head around to look at my husband. I couldn't tell if he was completely estatic, about to pass out, or about to run out the door. He just stared at the screen. Later he told me he got tunnel vision and was trying not to pass out. I'm sure my eyes were as big as moons. The tears started and (I hate to admit it) at first, not out of joy. I was scared. No, I was terrified.

Suddenly, our house got really small. I had already planned out how I was going to arrange the furniture in my house to make our guest bedroom the nursery, our office the guest bedroom and bring the office furniture into our bedroom. I envisioned where the highchair would sit in the kitchen, the swing in the living room. I knew how the nursery was going to be set-up - where the crib went, changing table... And I knew that it was going to be tough to incude TWO of everything in the humble space we have.

Then I thought about my car - there's no way that two carseats can fit in my little honda - so time to get a new car... new car = new car payment. The numbers started adding up in my head. Two cribs, two carseats, two high chairs, double the clothes, double the diapers, double the doctor's bills...

Then "double the diapers" popped in my thoughts again. I am going to have to take care of TWO babies!!! I don't really know how to take care of one baby right now... how am I going to take care of two!? Horror stories that my mom told me of my aunt who had twins started running through my head. Stories how she would breastfeed one, then change the other. Then breastfeed the other, then change the first... then do it all over again while trying to get some sleep and still maintain her sanity. She did all this by herself because her husband had left her shortly before she gave birth. OMG! I can NOT do this by myself! I look at Damon again to make sure he's not trying to head for the door.

I look up at him and he has the most unexpected look on his face. There are creases around his eyes and he is showing his teeth. Wait... is that a... is he smiling!?

He notices me looking at him, turns to me, squeezes my hand and then kisses me on the forehead. Then turns back to the screen and continues smiling.

I suddenly feel a calming sensation run over me. It's going to be okay. We're going to do this together. We're going to have two babies and it's going to be okay.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TWO BABIES!!! How exciting! (now tears of joy)

I come back to reality to see the flashing lights on each baby - their heartbeats! My heart melts. She moves the thingy so both babies appear on the screen and takes a picture. She gives us multiple copies. I look at one and instantly fall in love with our two babies.

We chatted with the OBGYN a little longer, asked questions and then she left us with handfuls of pamphlets on being pregnant and information on support groups for parents of "multiples".

The rest of the day we're both on cloud 9. We share the news with everyone and everyone is so happy for us! I pray for the first time in years as I go to bed that night and wake up feeling relieved, confident and completely elated. It's going to be okay.

So, without further ado, it is my priviledge and my honor to introduce you to our two little ones, baby 1 and baby 2...