Feeding Machine

I pumped in a utility closet the other day. Sitting in there on a cold chair, stuffing my face with my lunch, my breasts exposed and my pump grunting away, I thought, "is this really my life?" Seriously? This is not what I envisioned when I used to dream about becoming a mother.

If I ignore it will it go away?

It's 4:50 am. And yes, I am awake and writing a blog. I'm having trouble thinking about anything besides the two babies growing in my belly right now. For the most part, I have no problems sleeping - especially these days - but I woke up this morning and am having trouble getting back to dreamland...

Thoughts/questions that are running through my head keeping me from my lovely Zzzs:

1. I can't believe we're having twins.

2. How much longer can we comfortably fit in our house?

3. Is it too early to eat angel food cake?

4. That's so cute! Theres a little raccoon eating Ivan's food off the porch!

5. I can't believe we're having twins.

6. Ivan... stop hissing at the raccoon. If you wanted that food, you should have eaten it all last night.

7. Cereal is probably a better snack to eat right now. Save the angel food cake for later. At least wait until 6 am.

8. And the biggy: How in the world am I going to put two little babies in the hands of a stranger and go to work all day 12 weeks after they enter this world?

It's not that I don't like my job. It's not that at all... In fact, I love my job and the people that work there. I just think I'll like my job as a mom a little more.

This thought keeps coming up in my head and I keep swallowing it like a big gross horse pill. I'm not ready to tackle this one yet...

So, now I do what I always do with this topic. Avoid it. I just tried to log onto facebook for some mindless humor, but it's not working for some reason... Oh, but I just got onto my email and received an update from whattoexpect.com... I think I'll play ostrich and go bury my head in those articles for now.